Team get new HQ

New HQ

Team curl one out must apologies for the shortage of reports over the last couple of weeks. The team have been experiencing some technical problems at team HQ as a result we have had to pull out of our current deal and sign up with our new official partner and hydration facilitator the ‘Black Bull’.

The view from the bar

Speaking on the new deal Kenny Edwards said “We have unfortunately been forced to strike a new deal for the 2011/2012 season, this was something we didn’t expect to happen but with the lack of ‘Clunge’, access to Internet and hot bar maids the change had to be made”. With all the issues behind us we should be able to move forward and get a few training sessions in before the Scottish comes around.

New Training Techniques..

Top technology at team HQ.

With the competitive season fast approaching, Team Curloneout have been undertaking some serious training using video analysis techniques.

After a 5 minute practice at Lockerbie Icerink, the team headed to Team HQ (M.A.C.C) to start their gruelling training session.

The purpose of using video analysis is to ensure the teams’ hand to mouth co-ordination is second to none for the start of the season. Any flaws can be picked up and corrected. The equipment used is basically a video camera on a tri-pod and a stick with a piece of string hanging from it. Sounds like a Del Boy invention from the garden shed but other sports swear by it and back this up with great results.

Skip Duncan Gracie said , ‘’To continually perform at a high level and meet the elite standards set by our fans and sponsors we need to be using the best training methods at least once every couple of months. The equipment we have been using today was supplied to us by Belhaven and is the best in the business.  It will not only help improve our hydration skills but in the long term will save us money on ‘spillage’. After a long session the consumption of a pint may sometimes only be 90% due to ‘imbalance’ or ‘legless’, so after this training session  100% consumption will hoped to be achieved at all times.’’

‘Boabby’ the bar man added… ‘’These lads are on the top of their game right in time for the start of their season, I am proud to say that we have some exceptional athletes using our facilities and soon these boys will be in the same league as the dart, snooker and domino players who train here.’’  

"Chug" of the day goes to Second David Morton with this textbook example of how its done.  Well done David, perhaps this photo can inspire many curlers to achieve perfection.

Injury update

The X-Ray the night of the attack

Team curl one out has issued the following statement regarding the injury to world-class lead Kenny Edwards. “Kenny’s injury is beginning to heal after what was a concerning period for all the staff hear at HQ, It was thought he would be out of action for up to eight weeks but has been back in training already and put in a good session of ten hours on Saturday” Edwards did bail out early with his nurse around 12 before things got messy and possibly picked up another injury.



The X-Ray after 2 weeks



Speaking from his tanning cab in Lockerbie Kenny said “I’m back in training after what can only be described as a career threatening injury, I am disgusted with the service provided by our employed security staff. Keith and his team need to buck their ideas up and protect me, or I could be getting measure (touched) up by Frazer Hare before long. I have contacted Frazer for a team rate but his receptionist said he was away laying some turf and would get back to me”.

The team have another training session for second Dave Morton’s stag doo soon, where all the team will be put through their paces to see if they are abiding by the teams strict dietary and fitness requirements. The team have also purchased some ‘TOYS’ for Dave to play with on his doo, please come back soon to see him humiliated/violated.

Weekend Review - Dumfries

Firstly a congratulations  to Frazer Hare and his team on winning at Dumfries! Whenever Team Curloneout saw them play Frazer had the game by the chord and was well in command. A well deserved victory, made more impressive due to the fact Don Frame was using a 16th Century antique brush.  On that note team Curloneout have enquired into the legalities of the apparatus and are awaiting a response to their legal team.

Curloneout's opening bevvy with some adoring followers.

Regardless of curling results, a mammoth session had been arranged and Saturday night did not disappoint.  However some issues must be cleared up immediately.  Firstly There was a severe shortage of team members attending the training session and excuses were collected and reviewed the findings listed below....


 Name                            Excuse                                     Verdict                        Punishment


Kenny Edwards           Broken Arm and Shoulder          Absence Approved             Hard Slap
David Morton             On Call...                                       Must Improve                      1 Round of Jager
Scott Hamilton           Wife wont let him                         Hangable Offence               Back sack + Crack


The Three ashamed parties have agreed to improve their efforts and their performance will be monitored.  Also on the report sent to the procurator fiscal regarding the weekend was Team McCleary.  Gav Fleming and Lee blatantly flaunted the no wine after nine rule and there will be consequences.  Gav Fleming was also under question after this snap was captured.

Kenny oblivious to the attack..

Fleming was apparently checking out Kenny's broken arm but it is clear from this snap  his eyes are  fixed on the toned athletes bum whilst he cops a feel of Kenny's wing.  For any other would be perverts out there please be warned this type of behaviour does not go unpunished! 
After a couple of sambucas at the ice rink, purchased by Gavin Baird  (with curloneouts kitty) the training session lead by Scott Robertson and Gracie continued into Dumfries where some Shandy's were had and also.........  


.... Well we cant say any more, loose lips sink ships.  Your loss if you weren't there!


Finally there is underground  rumors the team are in talks with an new sponsor located in the local area.  

crashing out....

Curloneout 5 - 8 Sloan

Team Curloneout failed to qualify for sundays quarter final matches at Dumfries Ice Rink.  In the last group game the team faced the top of the section team Graham Sloan.  After loosing a schoolgirl 5 in the second, team curloneout were always on the backfoot as Sloan's team hit for home perfectly.  Sloan took the five with some impressive shotmaking and unimpressive play from all on team curloneout.  Sloan played for home and played superbly to not give the team a chance to get back into it.  In the 6th end David "Fishy Fishbeck" Morton did some quick carol vorderman maths and realised the team were short on ends.  After the final stone it emerged the team lost out on a quarter final spot by one end.  Speaking after the game Skip Duncan Gracie said " Obviously we are disappointed to be out at such an early stage however it is clearly not our fault.  The blame lies entirely with the schenkel system  and the draw! Joking aside it was a tricky couple of games against McCleary and Sloan and some poor shots cost us.  Our injury woes caused us staffing problems and team nutritionist scott Hamilton was clearly not up to the job being outplayed by is 11 year old cousin"

Hitting form

Game 3: Curloneout 8 - 5 Morton

The team re-hydrating after a convincing win
(Scott was unable to attend the picture
due to him brushing his hair)

The Saturday morning draw seen team curl one out take on another top local team in Heather Morton. The team got off to a great start and in the 4^th end third player Scott Robertson showed his class and dumped two in-turn draws round the only corner guard in-play to apply some pressure. The outcome of the end was an easy draw to the 8foot for 3, but Gracie wanted to rub salt into the wounds by flicking the button and covering the pin for a 6-1 lead. Some good play in 7 from stand in lead Scott Hamilton and second player David Morton left the team lying 4 when 3^rd player Robertson came to play his final shot of the end, Robertson was attempting to hit and run on of an opposing stone but decided to take out one of his own giving Morton an opportunity for an easy 2 which she duly done.

Gracie was once again jubilant after the victory “the guys played solid today making thing easy for me, Robbo had a slack one in 7 due to him perving on the skirt that was on show. This is something we will all be working on throughout the season”

First win on the board

Game 2: Curloneout 12 - 4 Kingan

After an opening defeat it was imperative team curl one out raised there game and gained a point on the board. Second up were the local team Kingan, who play most of there curling at Dumfries and understand the difficult ice very well. Maybe the pre game pints had an effect as the team started slowly giving up another soft 2 in the 1^st end. Some good play in the second resulted in an opportunity to strike back with a 2 of there own but being forced out wide on fresh ice Gracie pulled up short as usual to only score 1. The turning point in the game was in the 5^th end when the experience of the heavy weights Gracie & Robbo put pay to any chance of the promising young team getting back into the game. With his final stone Gracie played a run back to sit 3 guarded leaving the young skip with a difficult draw out wide to cut the damage to one, young Kingan must have had to much Haribo as the weight was a little heavy & drifted through the back leaving curl one out leading 7-3. The team controlled the game from then on in closing out the 8end game 12-4 winner.

The post game interview with Duncan Gracie was one of great optimism. “Wee Dave was back in the squad for tonight’s game and struggled to find his weight early but showed what he can do in the back end off the game. Big Robbo showed his class late on tidying thing up well not giving the young guys a chance, and well as for myself I think I was pure dead brilliant by the way.”