New Training Techniques..

Top technology at team HQ.

With the competitive season fast approaching, Team Curloneout have been undertaking some serious training using video analysis techniques.

After a 5 minute practice at Lockerbie Icerink, the team headed to Team HQ (M.A.C.C) to start their gruelling training session.

The purpose of using video analysis is to ensure the teams’ hand to mouth co-ordination is second to none for the start of the season. Any flaws can be picked up and corrected. The equipment used is basically a video camera on a tri-pod and a stick with a piece of string hanging from it. Sounds like a Del Boy invention from the garden shed but other sports swear by it and back this up with great results.

Skip Duncan Gracie said , ‘’To continually perform at a high level and meet the elite standards set by our fans and sponsors we need to be using the best training methods at least once every couple of months. The equipment we have been using today was supplied to us by Belhaven and is the best in the business.  It will not only help improve our hydration skills but in the long term will save us money on ‘spillage’. After a long session the consumption of a pint may sometimes only be 90% due to ‘imbalance’ or ‘legless’, so after this training session  100% consumption will hoped to be achieved at all times.’’

‘Boabby’ the bar man added… ‘’These lads are on the top of their game right in time for the start of their season, I am proud to say that we have some exceptional athletes using our facilities and soon these boys will be in the same league as the dart, snooker and domino players who train here.’’  

"Chug" of the day goes to Second David Morton with this textbook example of how its done.  Well done David, perhaps this photo can inspire many curlers to achieve perfection.

Injury update

The X-Ray the night of the attack

Team curl one out has issued the following statement regarding the injury to world-class lead Kenny Edwards. “Kenny’s injury is beginning to heal after what was a concerning period for all the staff hear at HQ, It was thought he would be out of action for up to eight weeks but has been back in training already and put in a good session of ten hours on Saturday” Edwards did bail out early with his nurse around 12 before things got messy and possibly picked up another injury.



The X-Ray after 2 weeks



Speaking from his tanning cab in Lockerbie Kenny said “I’m back in training after what can only be described as a career threatening injury, I am disgusted with the service provided by our employed security staff. Keith and his team need to buck their ideas up and protect me, or I could be getting measure (touched) up by Frazer Hare before long. I have contacted Frazer for a team rate but his receptionist said he was away laying some turf and would get back to me”.

The team have another training session for second Dave Morton’s stag doo soon, where all the team will be put through their paces to see if they are abiding by the teams strict dietary and fitness requirements. The team have also purchased some ‘TOYS’ for Dave to play with on his doo, please come back soon to see him humiliated/violated.

Weekend Review - Dumfries

Firstly a congratulations  to Frazer Hare and his team on winning at Dumfries! Whenever Team Curloneout saw them play Frazer had the game by the chord and was well in command. A well deserved victory, made more impressive due to the fact Don Frame was using a 16th Century antique brush.  On that note team Curloneout have enquired into the legalities of the apparatus and are awaiting a response to their legal team.

Curloneout's opening bevvy with some adoring followers.

Regardless of curling results, a mammoth session had been arranged and Saturday night did not disappoint.  However some issues must be cleared up immediately.  Firstly There was a severe shortage of team members attending the training session and excuses were collected and reviewed the findings listed below....


 Name                            Excuse                                     Verdict                        Punishment


Kenny Edwards           Broken Arm and Shoulder          Absence Approved             Hard Slap
David Morton             On Call...                                       Must Improve                      1 Round of Jager
Scott Hamilton           Wife wont let him                         Hangable Offence               Back sack + Crack


The Three ashamed parties have agreed to improve their efforts and their performance will be monitored.  Also on the report sent to the procurator fiscal regarding the weekend was Team McCleary.  Gav Fleming and Lee blatantly flaunted the no wine after nine rule and there will be consequences.  Gav Fleming was also under question after this snap was captured.

Kenny oblivious to the attack..

Fleming was apparently checking out Kenny's broken arm but it is clear from this snap  his eyes are  fixed on the toned athletes bum whilst he cops a feel of Kenny's wing.  For any other would be perverts out there please be warned this type of behaviour does not go unpunished! 
After a couple of sambucas at the ice rink, purchased by Gavin Baird  (with curloneouts kitty) the training session lead by Scott Robertson and Gracie continued into Dumfries where some Shandy's were had and also.........  


.... Well we cant say any more, loose lips sink ships.  Your loss if you weren't there!


Finally there is underground  rumors the team are in talks with an new sponsor located in the local area.  

crashing out....

Curloneout 5 - 8 Sloan

Team Curloneout failed to qualify for sundays quarter final matches at Dumfries Ice Rink.  In the last group game the team faced the top of the section team Graham Sloan.  After loosing a schoolgirl 5 in the second, team curloneout were always on the backfoot as Sloan's team hit for home perfectly.  Sloan took the five with some impressive shotmaking and unimpressive play from all on team curloneout.  Sloan played for home and played superbly to not give the team a chance to get back into it.  In the 6th end David "Fishy Fishbeck" Morton did some quick carol vorderman maths and realised the team were short on ends.  After the final stone it emerged the team lost out on a quarter final spot by one end.  Speaking after the game Skip Duncan Gracie said " Obviously we are disappointed to be out at such an early stage however it is clearly not our fault.  The blame lies entirely with the schenkel system  and the draw! Joking aside it was a tricky couple of games against McCleary and Sloan and some poor shots cost us.  Our injury woes caused us staffing problems and team nutritionist scott Hamilton was clearly not up to the job being outplayed by is 11 year old cousin"

Hitting form

Game 3: Curloneout 8 - 5 Morton

The team re-hydrating after a convincing win
(Scott was unable to attend the picture
due to him brushing his hair)

The Saturday morning draw seen team curl one out take on another top local team in Heather Morton. The team got off to a great start and in the 4^th end third player Scott Robertson showed his class and dumped two in-turn draws round the only corner guard in-play to apply some pressure. The outcome of the end was an easy draw to the 8foot for 3, but Gracie wanted to rub salt into the wounds by flicking the button and covering the pin for a 6-1 lead. Some good play in 7 from stand in lead Scott Hamilton and second player David Morton left the team lying 4 when 3^rd player Robertson came to play his final shot of the end, Robertson was attempting to hit and run on of an opposing stone but decided to take out one of his own giving Morton an opportunity for an easy 2 which she duly done.

Gracie was once again jubilant after the victory “the guys played solid today making thing easy for me, Robbo had a slack one in 7 due to him perving on the skirt that was on show. This is something we will all be working on throughout the season”

First win on the board

Game 2: Curloneout 12 - 4 Kingan

After an opening defeat it was imperative team curl one out raised there game and gained a point on the board. Second up were the local team Kingan, who play most of there curling at Dumfries and understand the difficult ice very well. Maybe the pre game pints had an effect as the team started slowly giving up another soft 2 in the 1^st end. Some good play in the second resulted in an opportunity to strike back with a 2 of there own but being forced out wide on fresh ice Gracie pulled up short as usual to only score 1. The turning point in the game was in the 5^th end when the experience of the heavy weights Gracie & Robbo put pay to any chance of the promising young team getting back into the game. With his final stone Gracie played a run back to sit 3 guarded leaving the young skip with a difficult draw out wide to cut the damage to one, young Kingan must have had to much Haribo as the weight was a little heavy & drifted through the back leaving curl one out leading 7-3. The team controlled the game from then on in closing out the 8end game 12-4 winner.

The post game interview with Duncan Gracie was one of great optimism. “Wee Dave was back in the squad for tonight’s game and struggled to find his weight early but showed what he can do in the back end off the game. Big Robbo showed his class late on tidying thing up well not giving the young guys a chance, and well as for myself I think I was pure dead brilliant by the way.”

Season opens with defeat

Game 1: Curloneout 3 - 7 Mcleary

The team ready for action at the season opener

Team curl one out have started the season with a devastating defeat, the team went down 7-3 to Lee McLeary in Fridays 3pm draw. In the first end they gave up a soft 2 and from then on were always chasing the game. Going down the 8^th end curl one out trailed Mcleary 6-3 but the opposing 2^nd player and new father Gavin Fleming decided to make things interesting by flashing twice in the same end to leave the pre tournament favourites lying 3 in a good position. Some slack stone positioning and shot calling nearly put pay to any chance of a big end but a nose hit by Mcleary left Godzilla Gracie a difficult triple to win or tie the game. Gracie surprisingly came close to lifting all 3 but unfortunately gave up the single to loose the game 7-3.

Speaking after the game Gracie said “It was real hard trying to get things going out there, we’ve had to draft in our nutritional expert at lead and that was probably the difference today. Looking at the stats young Ellie Hamilton out shot Scott 88% to 46% so you’re always going to struggle."

The team would like to thank Lorna Vevers for stepping in and playing a solid game at short notice to help the guys out after our injury problems.

Olympian steps in to help injury woes....

Multiple Scottish champion and 2010 Olympian has stepped in to save a struggling curloneout team.  Lorna Vevers from Lockerbie has minutes ago signed up to replace David Morton in today's 3pm game.  Dave is stuck in school till half past three and couldn't make the season opener.  Today Game at three features an unusual line up of two former champions and world medalists  and also two punters Robbo and Gracie.  Check back later for a game report....

Good Curling.

Nutritional expert steps up to the mark..

Hamilton in his usual position.

Curloneouts top nutritionist expert Scott Hamilton has stepped up to the mark and taken a position in the team during the teams injury crisis.  Star lead and international superstar Kenny Edwards has been ruled out of this weekends opener where the team were pre tournament favourites.  Kenny attended Dumfries infirmary today where he discovered his arm break was worse than initially thought.  After a very thorough examination it was revealed his arm was broken in a second place and thus throwing away any hope of a weekend return.  Kenny said " I am devastated to be injured for the weekend.  The team will all miss my vital expertise and experience but i will be able to assist our coach and take notes from behind the glass."  After an emergency meeting last night Scott Hamilton was promoted into the team.  Scott is well qualified for the job winning the Scottish championships in 2004 and winning world junior bronze medals in 2004 and 2006.  The team were initially concerned about letting such an irregular out-turn into the team but as they are desperate Scott would have to do!  The team currently still require one player for tomorrow's afternoon opener at Dumfries due to David Morton being unable to get a note to leave school early.  A team insider stated  " A shortlist of players has been drawn up and interviews are currently taking place"

INJURY BLOW!

IDIOT

Team Curloneout have been dealt a massive blow as star lead and professional stuntman Kenny Edwards has broken his upper left arm during a team training session.  Kenny was playing football with Duncan and David at team HQ in Lockerbie.  After a suspiciously vindictive slide tackle Kenny was unable to control his left "Flipper" and it crashed into the fence.  Late last night Skip Duncan Gracie had to take Kenny to hospital and a subsequent X-Ray confirmed the teams worst fears.  Kenny is due back in hospital on Thursday for further examination however it is looking bleak for the teams first competition at Dumfries this weekend.  Duncan Gracie told us " Kenny got a clatter at footy and turns out has broken his arm,  the only ray of light is that it is his already broken left wing.  Kenny is in good spirits and is hopeful of strapping up the arm and playing on regardless at Dumfries!"  Gracie added " We are holding an emergency team meeting tonight to try and solve the team shortage,  We already need a sub for Fridays game and Sunday as 'Fishbeck' Morton is unable to play as he is still at school till half past three on Friday and is attending a wedding fair on Sunday.  Now Kenny injury may force us into trying to find two subs!"


Obviously this is not the start to the season that the team wanted so keep checking the blog for injury updates and the latest news.......



THIS IS TRUE. KENNY HAS BROKE HIS ARM UNFORTUNATELY.
Gracie x

'Gray found guilty of breach of the peace’

Team curl one out’s biggest fan Logan Gray has been found guilty of breach of the peace. Gray appearing at Dumfries sheriff court on Friday pleaded guilty to the charges brought against him. Judge Michael Woodie told Mr Gray “you are a very lucky man not to be serving a custodial sentence for your actions on Friday 3^rd at the Mid Annandale Comrades Club. I find you guilty with beach of the peace due to you conducting yourself in a severe enough manor to cause alarm to ordinary people and threaten others, this may have caused a serious disturbance in the community” Wood went on to say “I have spoken with the Curl one out team and they are willing to give you a trial position on the squad. The team have suggested you take up the post of trainee facilitator, your duties will include pint getting, shoe cleaning, baby sitting Mogie and opening team fan mail".

Over the moon -
Gray leaving court with his long term partner

Wood sentenced Gray with playing a full season in what people call normal clothes & not the ridiculous flamboyant camp attire you are used to. He has also been instructed to buy the first round for the team at every tournament they enter.

Gray spoke after the case “Im so excited about getting the chance to socialise with these guys, I worship the ground they walk on and want to service there every need!”

Kenny Edwards of team curl one out was at court to witness the sentencing, he made a brief statement following the case. “I speak on behalf of all the team, we are happy with the final outcome but feel Mr Woodie went easy on Gray. Our second player David Morton had requested Gray be made to wear his gag-ball in public but the judge felt Gray’s private life should be left well alone”.

Intruder arrested at Team HQ

Gray Flaunting himself as police close in..

A police statement issued today, tells details of a man arrested in Lockerbie for stalking team Curloneout.  Logan Gray who gave his address at Dumfries Sherriff court as "Strathview terrace, Balfron, Stirlingshire" pleaded guilty to breaking and entering and also causing others to be in a state of alarm at Lockerbie Mid-Annandale Commrades Club on Friday the 3rd of September 2011.  It is said Gray had become infactuated with team Curloneout and was desperate to be involved in the setup in some form.  After failing several interviews for the main team it is believed Gray became insanely jealous of the team and informed friends he would "Get revenge".  The Final straw for Gray was when team Curloneout signed up "Lee Johns" Gentleman's club as their main sponsor.  He decided the best way to get near his childhood heroes was to dress as a "Lee John Bunny".
Unfortunately Grays hastily planned scheme was rumbled by the teams ever vigilant security expert Keith MacLennan.  Keith -  known affectionately to the team as "Big Beefy Keefy"  collared Gray as he tried to join the other bunny's during a training session. Keith took Gray down in a split-second and held him until the police arrived.  Keith told us " I Immediately spotted the intruder in the line-up,  he had made a good effort in his costume design but i have seen better legs hanging out a nest! " 
Due to the kind nature of Team Curloneout, Skip Duncan Gracie attended the hearing at the high court and added to the proceeding that the team wish no charges to be brought against Mr Gray and that they team would be able to offer Mr Gray a position in the team as part of a rehabilitation programme.  The Judge took the teams comments on board and Mr gray was released on bail whilst the judge compiled background reports.  
No-one from the team was available to add further comment at this time.

Main Sponsor Signed

Robbo and Kenny... Lucky Girls

Team Curloneout have finally put pen to paper on a lucrative sponsorship deal.  Lee Johns Gentleman club has won the battle to become the teams main sponsor.  Club Owner Lee John clinched the deal with a six figure undisclosed fee.  Speaking from his orifice in downtown Lockerbie Mr John said " Its great to sign up these young talented and enthusiastic men to promote my business.  I was really keen to sign the team as they are all regular big spenders in my establishment and from my dealings with them i  always see them come out on top."

Smoking Police at Lee Johns are strict.

After landing such an impressive sponsor the team felt it was fitting to organise a photoshoot charity evening.  The pictures here show the team hard at work promoting 'Lee Johns Club'.  Scott Robertson said in an interview " Firstly i would like to thank Lee John and his employees for giving us the opportunity to promote the brand nationally,  we hope to repay Mr John by winning some televised games and ensuring a steady stream of visitors to his establishment." David Morton, team second and VIP member at Lee Johns said " This is where i spend most evenings, its a great place to unload and relax after a hard days work.  I cant wait for more Photoshoots like this.

Following tonight's photoshoot, the team are straight into high intensity training for the coming season, which begins with a grueling training weekend in Liverpool for David Mortons Stag Doo. 

David greets Lee John Staff